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Thats why I went out tonight, she added after a few seconds. Too see if drinking helps me get loose. Turns out Im even boring when Im drunk. Youre not boring, he said firmly. You just need to learn how to fake it. Everybody is secretly self-conscious. Some just hide it better that others. You need to find a way to pretend. If you can convince yourself, you know other people will believe it. I dont think Id know how, she said. Im no good at acting or pretending or lying. I cant even lie to telephone sales people. Ill help you, he said impulsively. Ill show you how to fake it. Really? Sure. When youre sober. Anything I teach you now will be wasted. Like me, she sighed. Im wasted, and all I want to do is go to bed. Thats my building up there. Thats a gas station, he said with a grin. Oh. She frowned. Then its not my building, is it? I sincerely hope not. They found her building eventually, tucked away between a tall, scary-looking block of flats and a three-story bridal boutique. He. None of my normal tricks like telling myself this is just a trip was working. I was losing my grip. I was scared I was going to start doing crazy shit like running in traffic or killing goblins disguised as my family members in the real world. I was free falling in the madness.As I’ve mentioned, I’ve practiced various forms of Magick throughout my life. Since my illness, I have leaned heavily into the myth and culture of my Ancestors. I’ve also restarted some of my magickal practices. It suits me and I find comfort in it. The reason I mention this is I wear for magickal reasons a bracelet. I was wearing it last night. Call it further delirium, or what you will, but I called out to it mentally and was instantly oriented. I was still on the carpet ride and absolutely terrified, but I was anchored.Eventually, I fell back to sleep. Only to have dreams where people were talking to me and I couldn’t understand them. Their voice sounded like several over laid tracks saying the same thing.
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